Thursday, April 11, 2013

Oddly-named "United Horsemen" and obscure Calvary Group issue manifesto condemning USDA for enforcing food safety regulations.

The Cavalry Group Press Release (rough draft)

April 11, 2013

USDA Secretary, Tom Vilsack is a Willing Accomplice for Anti Agriculture Extremist Groups

Yesterday USDA Secretary, Tom Vilsack introduced USDA's 2014 Agriculture Appropriations request that, if passed, would serve as the final crushing blow to what remains of the potential U.S. horsemeat and puppymillers market. We are really pissed very concerned.

Tom Vilsack is proposing to defund inspectors for U.S. horse processing facilities currently poised to open in several states in order to bring the seedy horse slaughter industry relief to the over population of unwanted horses across the country. As indicated in the 2011 Government Accountability Office (GAO) a purposefullly misleading report that was commissioned by the meat industry, lack of domesticated horse processing has exacerbated the suffering of horses and has caused more abandonment and neglect for horses nation-wide. And if anyone cares about the welfare of abandoned and neglected horses, it’s the meat industry. Accordingly, three unethical politicians paid for by the meat industry surreptiously removed the original inspection defunding language Congress passed the 2012 Agriculture Appropriations to legalize horse processing in November 2011. USDA has ignored the law and requests for inspectors for many months despite our efforts to convince them they should spend US tax payer dollars to subsidize this inherently corrupt and vile foreign industry despite overwhelming public opposition.

In early March 2013, a memo was released from the USDA office indicating that USDA had plans to "advise Congress to reinstate the ban." Several weeks later, Vilsack made the statement declaring that the U.S. needs a "third option for unwanted horses."  We are certain he is a pinko-commie-animal-rights-terrorist who has infiltrated the US Agriculture Department in order to force everyone to become a vegan.

While defunding inspectors for horse processing, Vilsack is simultaneously asking Congress for funding to allow USDA/APHIS to implement and fund a new Retail Pet Rule that would likely regulate the U.S. pet industry out of existence. USDA stated, "The 2014 Budget proposes $29 million for Animal Welfare activities. The requested funding levels will help support these important regulatory efforts."  Clearly this assault on puppymills indicates that not only does Mr Vilsack hate puppies, but he is planning a secret midnight Special Forces raid involving black helicopters and ninjas in an effort to seize every American’s puppies, kittens, and even goldfish.

The motivation for this appalling anti-agriculture and anti-business budget move comes into question given the fact that the Humane Society of the United States and Humane Society Legislative Fund donated $750,000 in campaign contributions to the USDA Secretary's wife, Christie Vilsack's failed 2012 congressional run in Iowa.  Even though this is a mere drop in the bucket compared to the amount of money spent by the meat industry to pay off  lobby politicians in order to gain lucrative subsidies and special exemptions from environmental and animal cruelty laws, we need to keep repeating this so the public thinks that the Humane Society is really bad.  Did we mention we are really pissed very concerned?

Mindy “Puppymill” Patterson, president of The Cavalry Group stated, "At a time when our nation's economy is hurting and jobs are scarce, it is tragic that our U.S. Secretary of Agriculture, whose job is to promote and protect America's most vital industry, is clearly assisting in its demise by suggesting that animals should be treated humanely or afforded even a modicum of  kindness or compassion. Frankly, he’s got a lot of nerve."

Vilsack is set to appear before House Agriculture Appropriations Committee next Tuesday, April 16, 2013, and before the Senate Agriculture Appropriations Committee on May 9, 2013 to explain his actions and we will be demanding a personal apology from him for hurting our feelings.

The Fiscal Year 2014 Budget is available online at the Office of Budget and Management and budget overviews are organized by agency.  Currently, we may not have enough funds to pay off contribute to the re-election campaigns for our friends like Jack Kingston, Roy Blunt, and now-retired Herb Kohl (does anyone have Skye McNeil’s phone number?) who hopefully will be able to arrange another clandestine classified meeting where they can secretly use a bunch of White Out to erase those offensive “defunding” words.  We need your help!  Please send money: Cash is preferable but checks can be made out personally to Mindy “Puppymill” Patterson, “Slaughterhouse” Sue Wallis, and Duquette Quarterpoundershorses.

For more information or to schedule an interview please call:

Phone: 855-748-4210


  1. The Cavalry Group? Where did that come from?

  2. As near as we are able to determine, The Calvary Group is a small cult-like organization supporting and promoting the puppymill industry, horse tripping, the "right" to keep dangerous exotic animals like lions, tigers, and bears in small cages in your back yard, horse slaughter, cock fighting, dog fighting (because they're your *property*, right?)everything CAFO, and pretty much anything else that the rest of decent, moral, human society would recognize as animal abuse.